Its Tuesday, and I started to think about a conversation i had a while ago.
What if our assholes could talk?
What would it sound like? My ass. Would it have my voice? If it did it would probably get me into trouble, saying things at inappropriate moments and making people think I said things that I didn't. Like farting during dinner except it would be "boy this food isn't going to be fun coming out" and then everyone's all "dude don't be an asshole"
what if his voice took on one my other nationality's and I had an ass with a deep Scottish accent. that might be kinda cool. Kinda.
could I control him like holding in a fart or would he just run wild with what ever is on his mind...or ass.
When I eat something crazy and get the shits it would be like him getting sick, in between each bowl movement I would have to here him give me shit for giving him shit. and if he wants to stay up and I'm trying to sleep I'd have to muffle him to the mattress. Or if he was out drinking all night he would probably be a real asshole, but then again who wouldn't, I mean he is an asshole.
how would arguments work? I could never win.
me: quit being an asshole
my asshole: I'll get right on that
me: ha ha, dick
my dick: yes what is it?
it would never work in my favor, he knows he is an asshole so why should he give a shit...pun slightly intended.
and would his breath smell all the time. Having a conversation might just make the room stale and un-breathable. Maybe there would be ass mints on the market.
it wouldn't matter if you were a real nice guy cuz your asshole would ruin all your dates. unless everyone's assholes were assholes and we were just use to it.
and if you had to shit and were rushing to the toilet he could just let it lose just to be that much more of an asshole. we would all become slaves to our assholes, getting it what ever it wanted around the clock for fear of shitting our pants at any given moment. The world would either be covered in a fear of shit, or a loud obnoxious shit covered stink of a place...
in conclusion if our assholes could talk it would be real fucking annoying.
Home 
